Today is world mental health day and as something that is close to my heart I thought I would share a little about my experience with mental health as a mum.
Have you ever had that feeling of complete and total all consuming dread, that feeling that something bad is going to happen and your powerless to stop it, no matter you do, so it becomes all you can think about, the feeling that you aren’t good enough or strong enough for those who need you to be?
It’s hard trying to deal with those feelings for anyone, but as a parent and trying to keep your children oblivious of how your feeling and keep everything ‘normal’ (I dont like that word). When even getting out of bed to face the day is hard, but you do it because you have someone more important (to you) than yourself wanting the day to start.
I didn’t understand why i was feeling the way I did (sometimes still do). It took for me to breaking down in tears, having a panic attack, feeling like I couldn’t catch my breath, my mind racing ten to the dozen,absolutely sobbing like a little girl to my mum to realise the ‘sad’ feeling I had was more than just regular ‘sad’.
Once I started trying to explain how I was feeling all these things that I didn’t realise were affecting me came spilling out of my mouth, Well as much as they could between the sobbing. My mum made me promise to go see the GP, so I did, and was referred to IAPT and prescribed some tablets to help with my depression and anxiety. Yes I have Depression and Anxiety, but that doesn’t make me less of a person and definately no less of a mum.
Now I know why im ‘sad’ and ive changed little things that I know affect me, like no longer drinking 2ltr of energy drinks to see me through the day. Ive started adult colouring books, using relaxation apps. I take my tablets and I try not to bottle up how im feeling.
I now know that looking after me (even a little bit) means I can look after my boys, can be who they need me to be wether that is cuddle giver, cook, teacher and so on.
It’s an on going battle and one I face everyday, but I guess by sharing my story im hoping to let people know, you aren’t alone, and there are other people who know or can relate to what your going through.
If you can relate or any of this rings a bell, talk to someone, go see your GP, or find your local IAPT online. Your Stronger for asking for help…